She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
