last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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