her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
