apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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