You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
