I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
