I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
