okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
