i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
