It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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