it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
