What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
