Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
