Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
