I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
