Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
