you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
