i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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