dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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