my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
