I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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