Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
