Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
