4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
