If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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