can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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