I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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