So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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