John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
