Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
