Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Less talking, more tequila
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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