Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
