He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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