Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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