my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
