I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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