I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
