I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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