Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
