so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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