shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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