Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
