as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
