Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
