in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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