Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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