YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
