Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
