I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't turn off my feet"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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