Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
