census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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