I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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