i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
