booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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