We named our party play list daddy issues
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
