I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
