How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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